Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
