If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize