Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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