I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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