our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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