Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize