you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
