I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you inspire me to be a worse person
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
