I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There r osticjed everywhere
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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