in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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