the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
