I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
