he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
