come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
