i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
