Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
