well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
