The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
