We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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