I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
