Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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