Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
