from now on my penis is your penis
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
