I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
