Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
