i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
