please come you make the beer taste better
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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