Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize