I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
