just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
