Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What a dumb baby whore.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
