my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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