A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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