The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
