some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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