I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
