I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
