No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
