so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
