is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
