I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
