I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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