Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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