I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
