if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
