What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
