Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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