haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
