We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
