I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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