If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
