Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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