He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
