Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
