I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
