Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
