haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We are all done wearing pants today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
