i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
