So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
