Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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