i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
