I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
