I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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