Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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