Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
