we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
