My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
