there was a trapeze. enough said
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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