HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
