Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
