Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
