We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize