I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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