i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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