JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
