yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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