cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
