dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
