The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
