you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
