I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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