My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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