And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize