Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
