addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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