no, he came in my armpit
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sober January is a disaster.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
