I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
