Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize