so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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