you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
