I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
