I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
