My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
