She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i've created a new STD.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
