I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
