how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
